Ask for What You Want
Paul's 84-year-old father was tired of living. He was down from 155
pounds to 103. The doctors were worried. They'd run every test. His lungs
started filling with fluid. His heart was not well. They labeled it congestive
heart disease and rushed him to the new hospital across town.
"Nothing we can do," said the medical staff. They declared him terminal and sent him back to die at the nursing home.
Paul flew to New England to say goodbye to his father. He pushed
through his own pain and memories of a less-than-perfect childhood. He
went to be with his dad. He talked to the nursing home staff, the doctors,
his sisters, all the relatives and friends. He talked to his dad.
"What is it that you need?" he asked.
And he found out what his dad wanted. He wanted to feel that he had
choice, that someone would care enough to listen to him, to do what he
wanted -- not what they thought would be right for him. He spent 84 years
being told what he wanted, being denied his own experience, being told
what
would be right for him.
"Ask for what you want," Paul coached him.
Paul brought pens and magic markers and index cards and paper and
made signs for his dad. He put aside his own judgements and opinions.
He stopped thinking he knew what was right for this man. He let his father
decide for himself if he wanted his pillow straightened. He let him decide
for himself whether he wanted to live or to die. He gave him back his
right to
choose.
"Come smiling," the signs said. "If you love someone, let them be who they are, not who you think they should be."
"Stop and listen." "Ask for what you want. Accept it when it arrives." "Don't ask for what you don't want." "Be here. Be clear."
These signs meant life to a man who had given up.
Paul's dad wasn't eating. "That's OK," Paul said.
He brought in bags of groceries -- bowls of fruit and chunks of cheese
and barbecued chickens and gallons of juice ? and picnicked enthusiastically
in
his dad's room, handing chunks of pineapple over his dad to the other
side of the bed. His dad was inspired and began to eat too.
Paul's dad began to look forward to the rest of his life and two weeks later they took him off the critical list.
"Resurrection," the nursing home staff said, "it's a miracle."
They didn't acknowledge the power of Paul's presence, his willingness to listen, his love for his dad. They didn't know why a tired old man would decide to live a bit longer.
"Touched by an angel," they told each other.
But I was there, and I watched the miracle happen. I saw the bright flame that lit up the cold grey darkness of that New England nursing home. And I know who the angel" was.
It was Paul.
~ by Amy Racina of Healdsburg, California
Author of Angels in
the Wilderness ~